brads_requiem (brads_requiem) wrote,

two things on my mind...

lately, i've been feeling a certain sort of way. on saturday night, as i was getting ready to leave work, i was asked by my boss to stay a little. i told him i could not, because i had plans. truth was, at the moment, i had none. my plan was to go home and be as lazy as i possibly could for two days. so i did not stay. and i knew they were mad. and i imagine there were things said about my approach to work. but this is of course the reason i departed my old job. i wanted to work less, and i felt an itchy desire to have more bradley time. as i was driving home however, i felt guilty, as i normally would. i was on overtime and passed up $12 an hour to work for a few more hours. 

so saturday night ended up being a slighty drunk one. steve freaking d who i haven't seen in a long time graduated w an j saturday. so we all drunk up a little bit and watch bizarre, BIZARRE porn. plus corey came down and we played the halo 3 beta. halo 3, by the way, is the most highly anticipated event of my entire freaking life. sadly. but not really that sad.

sunday came around, and i was still thinking about atria's. i guess really i felt like i abandoned them. i left them there to die. but thats not the case. i try and remind myself where i'm at right now, and what i want. but old habits are certainly hard to break. 

i went into my dads later that night for dinner. we talked a bit. something i noticed lately is that i have the hardest time talking to my father. about anything. it's something i noticed last summer. my mother and i talk fine, and i can continue a conversation with her forever, but whenever i talk to my dad it's like i lost all my thoughts. nothing comes to mind. he always asks me about things, and i seriously have no way to answer the question. and i end every comment or answer, with "i don't know."

in any case, he informed me of my financial situation. since i have started school, i have always thought that i need to save, save, save. i worked all those hours before, to save, save, save. but when he threw the number out there, i realized that atria's was no longer any concern of mine. even if i was fired today, i would be ok for months, maybe even a year, without having to work. i'm not saying that i don't intend to work, but i felt somewhat liberated by the information. 

scott called while i was in at my dads. he bought fear and loathing in las vegas last week, and has been begging me to watch it with him. i tried once last week, and fell asleep on it. he asked me if i was on my way home. i said not at the moment. he said hurry cause he was going to buy rolling papers. i asked what for, and he just said come home soon.

so i get home, and he has a joint rolled and ready to smoke sitting on the coffee table. he tells me that watching the movie is "totally better" when stoned. i obliged. what the hell was my initial thought. 

we smoked it down, and used a pair of pliers as a clip for the end. (very humourous). he told me he was really fucked up, but i felt little to nothing of the supposed "high"

he announced he wished he had a bowl. it would be so much easier to smoke from. he asked if we had any aluminum foil. but the foil was spent. it had been used one night to cover up a piece of chicken i had made. luckily however, the night before i had baked muffins. and it just so happened that the muffin wrappers were made with aluminum foil. so we rolled it up and made a make shift bowl out of the aluminum foil. 

it worked really really good after that. i layed down on the bitch couch and we started watching the movie. things started happening, my body was both relaxed and heavy at the same time. i started eating potato chips like a nut. the movie to me seemed like every shot was made for someone who was stoned. the way the camera moved, or didn't move. the way the characters behaved and the way reality suddenly became so far away.

the chips were not enough to sastify my. i wanted honey nut cheerios. my fridge has been freezing milk lately, so i leave it in scott's room, since he has that little mini fridge. i poured the cereal and walked back to his room. i felt like i was outside myself and watching myself walk. i kept telling myself to remember these effects. i imagined a group of men asking me questions about my expierience and i was answering them out loud. to me, it seemed every second was an hour, and every hour was a second. 

i fell asleep, before finishing the movie, again. 

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